Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Dear David Blaine: stop, please stop.

Am I the only one who, when unfortunately reminded of David Blaine's continued presence on this sphere of existence, is reminded of that kid you went to school with who was constant doing dumb shit just to get attention? You know, the kid, who without prompting, would offer to eat something disgusting or stick his finger in an electrical socket if you would only dare him to do it. Or even just watch him, so long as he had an audience, because apparently mommy and daddy didn't love him enough.

So today, little spazzy Davey is all grown up, and is eating worms in the biggest schoolyard of them all, New York City. (There are benefits to living in the Second City!) Now we all have to be punished by Blaine's antics thanks to the ratings-crazed media that will cover any sort of spectacle regardless of what kind of or how many assholes are involved. I just wonder if he knows that most of those people who do stop by to watch him are there in the hopes that he'll finally off himself, so they can tell all there friends at work the next day that they were there when he finally did himself in. If he does realize it, do you think he cares?

Hey David! I really don't care what your next stunt will be, or what record you're going to try to break, just do it somewhere out of site, okay? Like a nuclear holocost bunker, or the bottom of the Hudson River or something...


Blogger monkeyboy said...

A two hour special to watch some wanker hold his breath? This passes for entertainment? There wasn't even an element of danger because he was hooked up to monitoring gadgetry and had his own rescue team on standby (including a Yale Medical Professor).

This is the same guy that was suspended above the Thames in an acrylic box for 40-odd days, "buried alive" (i.e. laying in a dark and stinky stinky place) for 7 days), spending 61 hours in ice (hey, didn't Mancow do that?), and standing on a dinner plate 90 feet in the air.

Given his distinguished body of work, I propose the following as possibilities for stunts:

1) Standing in a corner "in timeout" for 24 hours
2) Going for two months without saying the word "celery" (while handcuffed!)
3) Going to bed without dinner every night for an entire month
4) Crossing the street without looking both ways (safety team on standby of course)

Maybe this is all an "Andy Kaufman style" joke that only he's in on. Now, that would be cool. Either that, or he's an attention starved jackass.

Wed May 10, 07:29:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Chico said...

How about a few more stunts to try? I was really thinking that standing and not breathing really aren't great feats of human strength or ingenuity. How about you actually try some something challenging:

1) Drink 5 gallons of bleach
2) Eat 3 dozen light bulbs
3) Stick an alligator up your ass

I hadn't thought of the possibility of him pulling a Kaufman. That seems to be the only thing that makes anything he does make any sense. The above suggestions would of course disqualify that possibility.

Wed May 10, 09:58:00 AM PDT  
Blogger h.Lo said...

The guy is a total waste of space, I agree. The most disgusting fact I learned (re: his stunt) is that his skin was "peeling" after several days in the tank. Eww.

Thu May 11, 04:42:00 PM PDT  

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