Friday, February 03, 2006

The real threat of global warming

The worst part of global warming? It's threatening bourbon production in the U.S. In order for bourbon to age and take on the flavors of the barrel it's stored in, it needs to expand into and contract from the barrel itself. This expansion and contraction is a function of the ambient temperature in which the barrels are stored. So sensitive is this temperature variation that barrels are moved from the bottom racks to upper racks during the aging process. As such, if global warming continues to make winters warmer in Kentucky, it will adversely affect the whole aging process.


Blogger monkeyboy said...

Ok, we seriously need to get this global warming thing fixed. Keep your polar ice caps and the impending doom of various ecosystems and the extinction of various species of flora and fauna, this is impacting the quality of my bourbon consumption.

I propose the following remediation path:

1) Switch to Scotch. The older the better. You didn't hear anything about global warming in 1975, did you? Ok, then. History is on our side for a change. Now, I just need to get the government to subsidize it somehow....

That should resolve the short term problem. Now, until we get Kentucky's climate back in order, we need to:

2) Redefine "Kentucky". In furtherance of this effort, I hereby rename my back yard "Commonwealth of Kentucky". Bring me your Maker's Mark, your Wild Turkey (Rare Breed please), your Knob Creek. I shall lift my lamp beside your golden glow. There's room for you all here.

So, to recap, we're all drinking thirty year old Scotch, storing all of the bourbon that we can in my back yard, and working on global warming. Brilliant!

Once we get this thing fixed (50 years or so?), I shall allow Kentucky to have their bourbon back, and the world will have learned a great lesson.

Fri Feb 03, 10:43:00 AM PST  
Blogger David G said...

Mild winter weather not a problem, distillers say

Sun Feb 05, 05:25:00 AM PST  
Blogger Chico said...

Well thank god we're on top of this. According to David, it looks like we're okay for now. Mr. Lawler, you'll be my Minister of Spirits when I'm in charge.

Mon Feb 06, 07:40:00 AM PST  

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